Oct 15

Surviving Infidelity: Can You Save Your Marriage After An Affair?

What is the major reason for marital infidelity?

An affair may be sexual in nature or it could purely be a matter of infatuation with another member of the opposite or same sex. The beginnings of such “affairs” can very often be traced back to some aspect of a marital relationship that is dysfunctional for one reason or another. An extramarital affair is one of the three most serious issues affecting a marriage. It concerns breaking the most sacred of trusts between a couple. As a consequence, most marriages are not capable of surviving infidelity.

One or more of the grounds itemised below, are generally cited as the motivation/excuse for commencing an extramarital affair:

1. The spark has gone out of our marital relationship.
2. I was coerced into temptation by the other person in the illicit relationship.
3. I was frustrated because my partner and I hadn’t had sex for a long time.
4. It was just on one occasion and happened after I had too much to drink.
5. I found that my ex is still interested in me so we picked up on our relationship.
6. Business takes me out of the city a lot and a person has certain needs!
7. My spouse is suffering from bad health and is unable to respond to sexual intimacy.

It is quite on the cards that some of the above may be in the too hard basket. However if a couple really want to work at restoring their once loving relationship and the innocent spouse is prepared to make an effort to heal the hurt then surviving the infidelity will be made all that much easier. There are some matters though that need to be considered, namely:

If the innocent spouse has had sexual relations with their marriage partner since the beginning of the affair, then it would be wise to have a medical check to discover whether there are any health issues that require medical treatment. This is a matter that shouldn’t be taken lightly. It is important from the point of view of determining whether there has been any possible transfer of some kind of sexual disease to an innocent partner.
The matter of trust also needs to be given careful consideration. Can I trust my spouse again after what they have done to me and our family?
Is it really feasible for my spouse to break off the affair, or not to be lured into another extramarital relationship again even if they have promised that they will remain faithful from now on?
Some serious thought needs to be given to involving a third party to provide marriage counseling to ensure that there is really a determination on the part of both spouses to make the marriage survive and that solutions and ground rules are firmly in place. It can be quite challenging for both the person who has been damaged by their partner’s extramarital affair, and the guilty partner, to sort out all the problems associated with this serious matter on their own.

If you are the innocent party and are really interested in forgiving your partner, and putting your marriage back on track, there may very well be light on the horizon if:

Your spouse voluntarily came clean about the affair to you.
They are open under questioning about it.
They have told you that they are remorseful for having strayed.
They have agreed to end all connection with the other party.
They have agreed to undergo counseling.

An extramarital affair doesn’t have to mean the end of a marriage if you both really have the desire and the inclination to restore your relationship then marriage reconciliation is completely possible.

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